How Much Fighting Is Normal and When Is It Too Much?
Fighting is normal. It’s a natural part of life that comes with any relationship or friendship. Fighting itself isn’t bad and can actually be a healthy style of resolving conflict.
We are all human and we will never agree on absolutely everything. It’s what makes life wonderful yet, at times, a very frustrating experience.
There’s an ebb and flow to every relationship. In a lot of ways, it really is like a rollercoaster ride. You will have those elated highs where everything is going great. Then there will be those dismal lows where it seems as if it is all going wrong. This is natural. Even though fighting is normal, is there ever a time when it is too much?
Every Couple Is Different
Each couple is going to handle conflict and arguments differently. For some couples, arguing every day is normal. But, this also depends on what the argument is about. Are they little disagreements throughout the day? Or are they huge, explosive arguments that leave each partner feeling dejected and frustrated.
For many couples, the little disagreements throughout the day are par for the course. They aren’t based on any huge emotional turmoil or distress from either side. Just small things that really aren’t that big of a deal.
For instance, couples may find that they are argue more about household responsibilities. It isn’t the household chore itself, but the level of stress each partner feels at the end of a long day.
When Does Arguing Turn Toxic?
Having disagreements is a normal part of life. However, there does come a point when too much arguing is toxic. How?
A toxic relationship can be defined in many ways. In terms of arguing, it’s toxic if there is too much competition, undermining one another, disrespect, or no support. Additionally, manipulation, abuse, and consistent lying are all signs of a toxic relationship. When these things happen, it’s a sign that arguments, or the relationship itself, may be toxic.
With any of these, it points to a severe lack of communication and trust within the partnership. There are deeper underlying issues than just frustration that someone didn’t take the garbage out when they said they would.
It Boils Down To Communication
We can’t say this enough. Most relationships begin to breakdown because of a deteriorating communication style. When couples don’t know how to express what they truly need to each other—or listen to their partner—this can worsen the arguments that they find themselves in.
We’ve all been there. We’re in an argument with a partner and it is just going in circles. It seems as if the conversation has turned from frustration into just taking jabs at each other. You start with arguing about one thing but it turns into a spiral of arguing about absolutely everything.
What Can Be Done?
When you find that you are arguing and it’s turning heated too regularly, it’s best to walk away. If it is starting to feel like too much, agree to drop the argument for now then walk away from one another, especially if it seems as if the argument is not getting resolved. You will just continue to make jabs at each other and worsen the situation.
But, how long is a good time to break for? It really just depends. It is typically suggested that couples arguing should take at least a 20 minute to 1 hour break to calm down. Sometimes, the issues a couples is arguing about can’t be resolved on their own. It’s okay if you admit that there is something larger at play here that is causing all of the arguing.
In cases like this, it is best to reach out to a couples counselor who is trained to help resolve these deeper emotions and feelings. If on the other hand you think that you would benefit from individual sessions so that you can work through the issues at hand and find the deeper meaning of what you are actually arguing about; reach out to me to get started.
