Perfectionism
What’s possible and what’s perfect can be very different things!
After all, your close attention to detail and high standards have played THE MOST IMPORTANT role in your success!
Bear in mind that rarely being perfect comes out of goodness or high morals; but instead out of fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval.
What I often find when I’m working with someone who struggles with perfectionism is that they learned very early on in life that being perfect was not only the best way — it was the only acceptable way…
Perfection meant acceptance, and the only way to belong was to be the best: To be perfect!
The challenge with perfectionism is that as it’s often being rewarded, it tends to create a vicious cycle. The more you get rewarded for being perfect, the greater demands you are making on yourself in order to keep up with these expectations. Therefore you often end up either over-delivering, so that you can prove the point of being perfect, or you end up being buried under a huge to do list that you haven’t even begun…or a bit of both!
Working with many busy people, Ι have also come to realise that perfectionism can occur out of necessity of having some structure in a rather chaotic home environment. Although perfectionism is a tiring coping mechanism, nevertheless it creates a sense of structure, control and order when there was none. However, in the long term, this pursuit of perfectionism seems to be pointless, ultimately creating more trouble than initially.
Perfectionism often leads to procrastination, which then causes shame and self-judgment.
Although perfectionists are generally rewarded in the workplace, there are often significant side effects in the form of increased anxiety and problems in relationships. Perfectionists often see the world in black-and-white, and stress tends to be very hard to control. Through therapy, perfectionists can finally experience clarity. It involves learning more about where these tendencies came from, how they’ve served you in your life, and how they’re holding you back.
How I can be of help
My goal nowadays is to create a space for you where you could start by initially sharing your true emotions, your fear and anxiety, come up with coping skills and help you control the things that are within your control, and at the same time calm your anxiety about all the things that you are freaking out but you can’t actually control…
Then, once we have managed to do that, my aim is to make you understand that setting boundaries and looking after yourself during these very challenging times is a set of skills that can be learned!
We can tackle this by talking about:
relevant examples and brainstorming together about possible different options,
and trying to understand how and when this difficulty of yours was created and how it might have served you during these times…
No more equating your value with your performance!
No need to find excuses to deal with your day to day schedule anymore, but instead you should be able to prioritise and take each direction that you decide!
Most importantly my aim is to be able to relax and be present with your relationship and your loved ones!